Mozambique, May 2004

For the holidaymaker and traveller, Mozambique is truly a paradise, which is why it's taking us so long to move through the country – 11 days and we're only a third of the way up the coast. For the local residents, life is much harder. Though there is little begging, people are desperate for jobs and constantly asking if we need any work done. Today, sitting across from a beautiful inland coral reef, I would very much like the car washed and have a willing washer – however the lodge strictly prohibits the use of precious water to wash cars!

Backpacker circuit

There is something for every budget in Mozambique, from Bollywood all the way through to Backpackers. Like the backpacking community, we want our money to stretch as far as possible, so we have obviously mainly been frequenting the Backpackers places, which go by names like “Zombie Cucumber” and “Fatima's Nest” (don't ask!). These are populated by young men - who look like a cross between James Bond and Jesus, and young women - who look like a cross between Brooke Shields and Kylie Minogue. All they want is a good time and they party until dawn. Then there are also the (errrmm) serious travellers like us who look (errrmm) just like normal people.

We are lucky enough to be here in what the travel agents would call somewhere between “Off”season and “Shoulder Season” - what I call “Off-the-Shoulder Season”. This means that whilst most places are quiet, but not THAT quiet that you get nervous, avoiding the “Why are we the only people staying here?” paranoia). The weather and water temperature are just perfect – which is a good thing considering that most places only offer cold showers and that I've only just tried to erect our “Bedouin” Awning - remarkably easy until I lost the first tent peg in the all-devouring sea sand.

No indicator-light-jewellery

The tourist holiday nightmare stories you hear are or were possibly true, but we have not experienced any hassles whatsoever, except for some shoes being stolen from outside our tent on Beira beach. We sailed through the border and at least twenty police checkpoints without even being searched or asked for any documentation whatsoever. We parked in Maputo – without a “guard”. Our windscreen wipers and mirrors were not broken of by locust-like swarms of street-children. Our headlights, indicators and brake lights were not unscrewed to be broken into pieces to be sold as colourful jewellery. We have not had to pay spurious fines dreamed up by unscrupulous traffic officials. We walked Maputo for three days and nights – we have the blisters on our feet to prove it - without hassle. OK, we did have to put on our hiking boots to negotiate the potholed streets and pavements and to be very careful not to step into uncovered manholes, glass and worse ...

Maupto is a great city to explore on foot and by ferry – since the driving and parking are from hell, which leads me to ...

Mao Tse Tung or Ho Chi Min?

Driving in Maputo (or Beira) is quite an experience! The traffic is anarchistic, to say the least, but a pleasant sort of anarchy preferable and more forgiving of mistakes than the very orderly, fascist sort of traffic favoured by most countries (with the happy exception of the Mediterranean countries). There was no aggression between drivers whatsoever and the traffic just seemed to sort of ... flow. It was hard to see whether the traffic lights were in your favour or not, since they were either very dim in the harsh daylight – or not working at all. If most of the vehicles were moving in your direction, then it was safe to assume that you had right of way and ... errrrmm ...vice versa – all this whilst dodging potholes, pedestrians and trying to decipher street name signs that are so small that they could be used as an Optometric Test ... “Tell me what you can see: is that “Ave Mão Tsé Tung” or “Ave Ho Chi Min” ?” The street names were interesting to say the least. - was that place we were looking for in “Ave 24 de Julho” or “Ave 25 de Setembro” - pass me the calendar please! As for the traffic circle in the centre of Maputo which includes traffic islands, bus lanes and G-d knows what else ... I just went round and round and round it until I could regain my composure, work out what was going on and could find a gap in the traffic and escape ...

Tip of the day is to drive during “Siesta” time – between about 1 pm and 3 pm is about the best – when the traffic is the lightest – although by corollary, the drivers are also the sleepiest, so be alert!

Another day in paradise ...